The Honey Pot

Are you a big fan of Honey?  If you've ever asked "Where is the nearest Tim Hortons with honey?" this is the map for you!  Find your favourite sweetener at these Tim Hortons locations:


Know of more honey-loving locations?  Or specific Tim Hortons locations that DON'T (or WON'T) serve honey?  Let me know and I'll add to the map!

Mobile Service Windows

Recently in the news, there's this poor guy in a scooter (you may have heard of him: Dave Matthews) that's been using one Timmy's drive-through window to get his holy water. Seems going into the store is a bit of a chore in a scooter (go ahead, test that theory out and get back to me on it), so he used to roll up to the drive-through, order and go. That sounds pretty reasonable to me. Now at another location, he's being denied service trying to do the same thing.

Obviously, this has got to be something that Tim Horton's managers use their own discretion on. After all, what happens at one Tim Horton's should be the same as any other, right? You could argue that allowing anyone not in a vehicle to use the drive-through window is a safety concern, but then you can also argue that Timmy's is supposed to be handicap accessible, too. So who's right in this case?

Personally, I'll side with the faithful follower on this one. If getting your daily donuts and holy water through the "mobile service window" is the easiest for you, I say go for it!

Come All Ye Faithful

Tim looked out around the fair province of Ontario, and truly across the nation. He saw many poor children, deprived of the fun stuff of life, and he wanted to help.

And Tim spake unto his CEOs, "Let the kids go to camp, that they may be served by me. I'll pick up the tab for all the coffee on Camp Day, so let's get some turnout!"

Today is Camp Day, folks! Remember: it's for the kids, so get out there and donate! (And if you drink the Holy Water, enjoy often!)

Seven Disgusting Habits

One morning, Tim began his rounds of his Cathedral (in Oakville), and saw many things that perturbed him. As he walked into the establishment, he saw someone walking out, licking the cream out of a Boston Cream donut, and almost bumped into him.

"That's just wrong!" he thought, and continued on his way. Seated at a table not far from the counter, another guy was stuffing an entire walnut crunch into his mouth.

"Thee? I phold boo I could do it!" the man bragged to his laughing companion.

"What is wrong with these people?" Tim thought, getting into the line-up at the counter. There were many people ahead of him, but service was good and he'd be on his way soon. One lady ahead of him, however, was not so patient.

"C'mon! I've been waiting a whole 5 minutes since I got in line! All I want is a coffee! Let's go!" she angrily barked at the new trainee after confirming her order.

Tim sighed, seeing so many things perverting his church going on around him. Through the drive-thru window, he saw more disturbing things. One driver waited until arriving at the busy window to count out small amounts of change; another hung around, waiting for a penny in return. From behind him, he heard a comment as a customer left the establishment with a muffin in hand, only to lament, "The breakfast sandwich that guy has looks so good! I should have got that!"

Tim decided it was time for a meeting. He called together his Apostles (you know, upper management) and waited in the Cathedral board room. Each arrived in turn. At the appointed hour, only one of the 12 was missing, and so the meeting was delayed.

Smiling, Judas arrived carrying donuts and a coffee.

"Hey, boss! I'm sorry I'm late, but I thought it would be nice of me to pick up donuts!"

"Yeah, and I notice you grabbed yourself a coffee, too -- where's everyone else's?" Tim responded. Judas grabbed a seat quietly as Tim's sermon began.

"It has come to my attention that things are falling apart downstairs. People are doing things that just get right under my skin, and I won't have any more of it! I'm going to post a list of the seven disgusting habits, and make everyone aware of what they're doing. Any employee seen doing any of the things on the list is to be fired on the spot!"

Judas paused in mid lick as the jelly poured out of the donut he was enjoying.

"More Commandments, boss?" Judas queried around his mouthful.

"Not quite. Here's the list: The Seven Disgusting Habits. Do any of them and you can go to Hell!

Lust - Savouring any cream- or jelly-filled donut by slowly licking out the filling without biting the donut is just wrong!
Gluttony - Proving you can stuff an entire donut into your mouth, while bragging about it.
Greed - Waiting for your 2 cents back at the drive thru, or forgetting to tip really busy counter help.
Sloth - Waiting until you're at the drive thru to count your change.
Anger - Don't be a jerk, just because you had to wait your turn like everyone else.
Envy - Be happy with what you got, you can always come back and get something else next time.
Pride - No, you're not so great just because you brought donuts to the meeting. You only did it so you could be late and grab yourself a coffee.

Upon finishing the last, Tim again cast his gaze upon Judas, sipping his double-double.

Better To Give Or Recieve?

One day Tim was short a little for his daily holy water. He was with friends, however, and told them a little story in hopes they'd spot him some change.

"If you buy a guy a coffee, and he never buys for you, should you stop buying for him in the future?"

There was dissent among his friends, and they discussed the matter at length. Finally, they came to the consensus that it wasn't worth buying the guy coffee anymore; he was just a freeloader.

"If someone buys you coffee, then, are you beholden to that person? Is it out of duty that you would repay this person, or simply out of kindness that you return the favour?"

Again the friends debated, confused as all get out now. In the meantime, someone bought coffee and doughnuts for the lot of them and said, "Someone else has to buy next time!"

Bright Lights, Big City

Once there was a man, truly a disciple of Tim. He lived simply, working, eating, driving a nice car, spending free hours at Tim Hortons and sometimes sleeping. He knew all of the priestesses by name. His place in the church was well known, and he was well-respected.
Then one day, he got "the call." He knew he must answer it. He knew it was from a higher power. He knew it was a job that would pay better, under better circumstances.

And he took it!

(Congrats, Tiny -- sorry I'm really late on this one!)

By The Light Of The Fire

I remember one day, while walking with a couple of friends -- Tiny and John -- along the Niagara River, looking across at Buffalo and thinking, "So this is Buffalo. I remember as I was growing up, hearing about all those fires in Cheektowaga, or Tonawanda. This is the place where Commander Tom came from."
Tiny chimed in and said, "Yeah, they always seem to have fires over there. I remember they used to have really big ones in the good ole days."

To which John added, "Yeah, I remember going over there with my matches..."

The Evil That Men Do

Sometimes people do the cruellest things to one another. For power, for greed, for jealousy (okay, I know someone once listed a bunch of "sins" along these lines somewhere...) or... just because they don't like someone.
It's a pity we can't all get along like the macaroons. Plain or chocolate, they're both good, and you don't need to decide to have one or the other -- you can have both just as easily. What's this got to do with people being nice to each other? Hey, wouldn't you feel good if someone brought you a dozen macaroons about now?

The Metaphysics of a TimBit

What happens to a TimBit after you chomp it down? Does it just fall apart, becoming nothing more than the cake batter it was in the beginning, inexorably destroyed in the act of satisfying? Or does it become something greater that itself, moving on into some greater being, serving some higher purpose?

Is a TimBit just empty calories, or is it a means to salvation? And can an individual really stop after just one TimBit? If there is something more, after the TimBit, or even beyond the donut (if your appetite craves just a bit more), then how would we ever know the truth? I mean, think about it. You eat the TimBit. You eat the donut. They become part of you, and yet they are not what they once were. What have they become? Have they made you greater in the act of their own end?

Careful not to eat too many of those things!

What Comes Around (Is Round?)

There are those who like to play games, in life and in donut shops. As the old saying goes, "What comes around goes around," and this couldn't be more true than in the donut shop of life. Like a stale donut can be tossed across a tabletop, bounced off the floor and rolled (with good enough timing) straight into the ladies room, those who play in the affairs of others will get tossed, too. Or be lost forever amongst whatever goes on in donut shop ladies rooms.

And I don't care to know just what that is, so I'll just sit and sip my coffee.

To Each Their Own

For every man, woman and child (especially the children!) there seems to be a favourite donut. And each donut is created equally in the eyes of Tim (only 70 cents each!) although size and amount of Boston Cream may vary, and some of the sprinkle donuts have more sprinkles. (This does exclude the fancies somewhat, but one expects to pay more for that kind of thing.)

Unlike other beliefs, where one may not partake of dairy and meat at the same time, or Friday has to be a fish day, and no, you can't have bacon with that, the happy Hortonist has a plethora of manna to choose from, and can enjoy different varieties even on the same day.

Of course, for special occasions, some forms of manna are more appropriate than others. For instance, in celebrating a lover's birthday, a red sprinkle donut or a happy-face cupcake is most appropriate. On the night when the Christians and pagans are running around in drag and other costumes, a cherry- or strawberry-filled donut may be just right for that "bleeding" effect. And, naturally, a Boston Cream is just right for any occasion.

And a snack pack of TimBits is also quite good for any group get-together.

Make Mine A Large

Here's where we get down to the nitty-gritty of things (and no, I'm not talking about the little bits of coconut that always get stuck in your teeth from the toasted coconut donuts!).

Simply put, the Hortonist faith believes one thing. Repeat after me, and you too can become a loyal Hortonist with ease:

"I believe I'll have another coffee!"