The people of Canada were enslaved by the rule of Mister Donut for generations. They sought something new, freedom to choose something fresh and delivered to them in a friendly atmosphere. So it came to pass that Tim led the people away from the reign of Mister Donut, and they found their freedom. But in their freedom, they fell into decadence.
The people turned to Tim, asking for his guidance. Tim went into his kitchen and began to bake. And when he returned, he carried with him His Commandments, and of course His promise: Always Fresh.
Thou shalt have no other coffee before mine.
Thou shalt not make unto thee any cooler logo, or any travel mug or holder that is better than a Tim Tote or earthenware mug or make TimBits and call them "donut holes".
Thou shalt not whore thyself out to Starbucks, or any alleged gourmet coffee chain: for I, Tim, am a jealous God, and I'll hurl TimBits at your children and your children's children if I see them in there! Of course, I'll happily give you a snack pack for a mere $2.00!
Thou shalt not take the name of the Tim in vain; for Hortons will not serve you, or only serve you after a very long line-up ahead of you.
Remember that coffee always tastes best when it's twenty minutes fresh. Relax, have a donut or two with that!
Honour thy coffee and thy donuts: that thy days will be numbered from high cholesterol and overstimulation.
Thou shalt not kill. (Hey, it's common sense!)
Thou shalt not have coffee with another man's wife (or another woman's husband).
Thou shalt pay a fair price for fresh donuts and coffee.
Thou shalt not lie about whose coffee was more full, or whose snack pack had more TimBits left.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's coffee, nor his donuts.
1 comments:
from a Digg user: Thou shalt roll up thy rim!
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