Tim In The Tabernacles

As a young child, Tim knew he was destined for greatness. He versed himself well in the tabernacles, partaking of the meager offerings of coffee and stale danishes available there. He preached to the vendors, telling them of their inferior wares, and warning them of the day of his coming.

Time passed, and Tim matured to greatness, becoming a high priest in the sacred tabernacles, and His followers worshipped him, albeit with false sacraments. The day finally arrived when Tim set forth to redeem his flock. And He said unto them, "Thou shalt not have any other coffee before Mine. Partake only of the true donuts, for when you take these sacraments, it is My blood and My flesh."

And thus it came to pass that Tim Hortons began to provide the masses with the holy water and the manna which, to this day, continue to nourish the hungry souls of His flock.