Seven Disgusting Habits

One morning, Tim began his rounds of his Cathedral (in Oakville), and saw many things that perturbed him. As he walked into the establishment, he saw someone walking out, licking the cream out of a Boston Cream donut, and almost bumped into him.

"That's just wrong!" he thought, and continued on his way. Seated at a table not far from the counter, another guy was stuffing an entire walnut crunch into his mouth.

"Thee? I phold boo I could do it!" the man bragged to his laughing companion.

"What is wrong with these people?" Tim thought, getting into the line-up at the counter. There were many people ahead of him, but service was good and he'd be on his way soon. One lady ahead of him, however, was not so patient.

"C'mon! I've been waiting a whole 5 minutes since I got in line! All I want is a coffee! Let's go!" she angrily barked at the new trainee after confirming her order.

Tim sighed, seeing so many things perverting his church going on around him. Through the drive-thru window, he saw more disturbing things. One driver waited until arriving at the busy window to count out small amounts of change; another hung around, waiting for a penny in return. From behind him, he heard a comment as a customer left the establishment with a muffin in hand, only to lament, "The breakfast sandwich that guy has looks so good! I should have got that!"

Tim decided it was time for a meeting. He called together his Apostles (you know, upper management) and waited in the Cathedral board room. Each arrived in turn. At the appointed hour, only one of the 12 was missing, and so the meeting was delayed.

Smiling, Judas arrived carrying donuts and a coffee.

"Hey, boss! I'm sorry I'm late, but I thought it would be nice of me to pick up donuts!"

"Yeah, and I notice you grabbed yourself a coffee, too -- where's everyone else's?" Tim responded. Judas grabbed a seat quietly as Tim's sermon began.

"It has come to my attention that things are falling apart downstairs. People are doing things that just get right under my skin, and I won't have any more of it! I'm going to post a list of the seven disgusting habits, and make everyone aware of what they're doing. Any employee seen doing any of the things on the list is to be fired on the spot!"

Judas paused in mid lick as the jelly poured out of the donut he was enjoying.

"More Commandments, boss?" Judas queried around his mouthful.

"Not quite. Here's the list: The Seven Disgusting Habits. Do any of them and you can go to Hell!

Lust - Savouring any cream- or jelly-filled donut by slowly licking out the filling without biting the donut is just wrong!
Gluttony - Proving you can stuff an entire donut into your mouth, while bragging about it.
Greed - Waiting for your 2 cents back at the drive thru, or forgetting to tip really busy counter help.
Sloth - Waiting until you're at the drive thru to count your change.
Anger - Don't be a jerk, just because you had to wait your turn like everyone else.
Envy - Be happy with what you got, you can always come back and get something else next time.
Pride - No, you're not so great just because you brought donuts to the meeting. You only did it so you could be late and grab yourself a coffee.

Upon finishing the last, Tim again cast his gaze upon Judas, sipping his double-double.